I Don't Wanna Be A Punching Bag

Haloo gengs, cuy, bro, bung, nona!

Sumpah kayak udah lama banget gue ga nulis (mampir aja engga) di sini. Udah acak kadut kali ni cara nulis gue. By the way, gue sebenernya seriiing banget ada niat buat nulis tapi kok ya pas udah sampe kamar, hawa-hawa dinginnya rada mengganggu gitu😓 Anyway, gue ke sini sebenernya bertujuan buat menyalurkan keresahan (keresahan banget ga tuh) yang gue alami. Ni buru-buru gue ambil laptop supaya hawa-hawa resahnya masih ada. Lanjot.

Jadi tuh sebenernya gimana ya... gue tuh sebenernya bingung mau mulai dari mana. Kayak akhir-akhir ini gue kok ngerasanya kayak adek gue tuh kayak selalu nyebelin dan kayak she always has "that" attitude. Emang sih kayak selama gue bersaudara sama dia, dia tuh kayak kakaknya.  (Tebak berapa kali gue bilang "kayak"!) Maksudnya bukan cuma diliat dari badannya yang lebih gede dari gue, tapi emang dia tuh lebih mendominasi, galak, kayak dia tuh alpha-nya gitu. I was (and still am) more like that kind of person yang lebih ke iya-in aja to avoid conflicts atau ribut karena, jujur, capek banget berantem sama dia😿. Jatohnya, gue selalu berperilaku pasif kalo berhadapan sama dia dan mostly orang lain, karena simply gue capek banget debat-debat dan dijahatin (pemilihan kata dijahatin kayak lebay dikit sih).

Terlepas dari hal itu, gue sama adek gue emang bener-bener akrab. Mungkin karena jarak umur yang cuma satu taun itu semakin mengaburkan (apaseh?!) batas antara kakak-adek. We're more like friends that happen to be stuck forever, and actually, I don't mind.

Nah balik lagi ke sikap adek gue akhir-akhir ini, gue sering bangeeet (banget banget banget) ngerasa kalo dia tuh gampang banget marah ke gue, being rude to me, being constantly in a really bad mood but ONLY to me or when I am around. I didn't really notice it at first. I thought maybe she's just tired from all of her activities at college since she just got accepted in UI (congrats!🙌🙌). Tapi gue tuh bener-bener ngerasa kalo dia kayak gitu ke gue doang. Gue tanya dong kenapa dia badmood mulu. Dia bilang "karena ada gue" I mean, what kind of answer was that?? Terus dia ngejelasin kalo dia boleh bersikap kayak gitu ke gue karena itu gue. Misalnya nih, adek gue kesel sama temennya, dia gamau marah ke temennya itu SO dia nahan kemarahannya trus gue yang kena. Lah kan anj--.

I mean, I know you can only do that to someone who is really close to you, but honey, I am not your punching bag. I swear to God. If being close to you means that you can do everything you want, including treating me like that..., I'd rather be someone else. ---Something else, I am the Green Arrow--- I don't want to have that kind of privilege.

And I swear to God, her answer got me freaking mad but sad at the same time.

But you know, Rosita sucks. Because instead of telling her about all of this and how I feel, gue malah ceritain semua di sini karena gue gaberani bilangnya wakwaaaw.

Sekian dan terimakesyooong my luvs!

Notes: mungkin ini karma karena dulu gue suka marah-marah ke Bahar wkwkkwkw maaf yaa!!