idungkulitayam

When my life isn't mine anymore. When my choice doesn't matter anymore. When my life purpose is only to please the society. Belakangan ini jadi sering terpapar dengan orang-orang yang banyak cemas sama kehidupan orang lain. Nggak mau punya anak; menyalahkan fitrah. Nggak mau menikah; disumpahin nggak bahagia. Punten ... anak dan keluarga mereka itu, kamu yang urus kelak? Menurut gue, bahaya banget sih ketika suatu hal yang relatif jadi punya tolok ukur yang ajek. Bahagia, contohnya. Kenapa sih konsep bahagia yang sederhana selalu digembar-gembor kalau nyatanya untuk memenuhi definisi bahagia itu harus pakai indikator yang ... nggak sederhana? Kenapa sih, bahagia dalam konstruksi sosial kita tuh harus menikah, punya anak, anak sukses, anaknya menikah, anaknya punya anak lagi tuh kenapa?  Padahal memutuskan buat membangun rumah tangga bersama orang lain dan membesarkan anak supaya jadi manusia yang baik kan nggak sederhana? Kalau menurutmu bahagia itu punya pasangan dan tiga anak...

Haloooooo! Long time no see honey boo boo. What is up? Ceiling.  Ketawa jangan? Quick life update:  I'm still struggling in some respects, but everything seems to be alright so far. I'm feeling significantly better, mentally, and physically. Oh, I've been writing regularly on Wattpad too, it's kind of my new coping mechanism (which I'm not really proud of  — but damn it feels good ) and  I'm a fan of BTS now. It's confirmed that I will not be graduating this semester because of a thing or two, but that's okay, I still want to give  — and deserve! — a pat on my shoulders. So, how's yours?  By the way ada apa ni kok tumbenan nengok ke mari? Ya tentu saja karena hari ini aku berulang tahun! Walaupun ulang tahun has become less exciting and less special for me, gue pikir ulang tahun bisa lebih dimaknai kalau bisa menjadi refleksi di tiap tahunnya. Lagian juga, agaknya sudah menjadi ritual sih gue liat-liat buat bikin postingan setiap tanggal 14 Juli. ...

Wooooow kapan ya terakhir kali aku membuat weekly post?? Sebuah ide ambisius anak muda yang tak sanggup kurealisasikan, but ANYWAY, ada beberapa hal yang perlu ku-highlight dalam minggu ini. 1. Senin, 29 Maret Siang-siang gue lagi sendirian nonton TV di bawah. Terus tiba-tiba ada suara sinden dong dari arah dapur?!?! Gue pastiin dulu kan yang gue denger itu beneran atau cuma kehaluan duniawi, tapi ternyata emang beneran!!!  Badan gue bereaksi lebih dulu dari pada otak alias ya tentu saya kabur mencari teman dong!  I'm not that stupid protagonists in horror movies. Ohiya, jujur ini malu-maluin banget, tapi gue beneran lari di tangga sambil manggil-manggil nyokap gue. Eheheheheh ternyata nyokap gue yang nyetel persindenan :) Dan dia juga ketakutan sendiri Seriusan, ada yang salah nggak sih sama keluarga gue? Masalahnya bukan apa-apa ... gue cuma kebayang Desa Penari aja. OH btw, kamar nyokap gue emang persis ada di atas dapur dan di bagian belakangnya ada jendela terbuka buat v...

Jadi kemarin tuh gue sempet positif covid. Mengungsi lah gue dari Cempaka Baru ke RS darurat covid. Lumayan lama gue di sana. Ada kali seminggu lebih? Di sana gue makan pisang sampe enek demi Allah buahnya pisang melulu wkwk, eh pas sampe rumah MASIH ADA PISANG DARI TETANGGA WKWKWK.  Eh tapi serius bertanya, kenapa sih orang sakit dikasih pisang? Kalo berdasarkan kecurigaan gue sih kayaknya buat minum obat ya? Tapi masa iya? Singkat cerita di rumah ada pisang banyak tapi nggak ada yang mau makan saking udah bosennya. Kan sayang ya? Apa lagi pisang tuh buah yang cepet berubah gitu warna kulitnya kalo dibiarin kelamaan, kan jadi berasa dikejar-kejar. Coba bayangin: Pisang: Safiraaa, liat warna kulitku udah banyak item-itemnya. Makan aku sekarang, sebelum aku busuk, Safiraaaa! HAHAHA nggak lucu luuuu. Tiba-tiba keinget Jin jadi pisang. Bentar, gue cari GIF-nya. There you go. NAAAAAAh, karena pisang-pisang ini udah terlalu mateng DAN MASIH BANYAK BANGET, akhirnya nyokap beli stroberi d...

Gratitude jar. When I first heard about it, I knew I had to make one too. Based on www.girlsontherun.org:  Gratitude jars provide a simple way to cultivate the habit of being mindful of the good things in your life. Each day or week, you write down one thing for which you're grateful and put it into the jar where they collect as a reminder of the good things in your world. For quite some times, I knew there was something wrong with me... even though I couldn't really point out what it was. So in order to make peace with myself, I'm just gonna 1. accept it, 2. see if I can do something to make it better and 3. focus on things that make me happy.  Since it's the month of love, I'm doing this with a little hope, which is, whenever I feel "less-worthy", I can always come back here and be reminded that I'm blessed and loved. Wed, 3 Line-an sama Bella. Aku bersyukur karena it felt good to reconnect sama orang yang kusayang. Ngobrol sama Mbak Debby via telfon...

It's 2021 and it's weird. Nothing feels right. Nothing has changed. UUuuuugggGGGGHHHhhhhhh. I hate everything about 2020. There was nothing but regrets when I tried to look back. Okay, I may not being fair. 2020 was definitely a bitch but I had fun too, sometimes. BUT the point is 2020 is not on my 20 top list of my favorite years (I'm currently 21 and that says a lot). How do I put it in words? I feel like I have failed everyone and most importantly my self and MOI in 2020. With all of Rona Madness going on, I know 2020 was a tough one. But it wasn't only though for me, it was a bitch for everyone else too. Then why was I so affected? Why was I that affected? Why couldn't I adapt like everyone else too? Why couldn't I just shrugged it off then got my shit together? What made me so anxious and weak to even function properly? I was so ashamed to even talk about it to my family and friends because I didn't (and still don't) know what actually bothered me a...