2021 [caution: may contains lots of negativities & grammatical errors]

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It's 2021 and it's weird.

Nothing feels right.

Nothing has changed.

UUuuuugggGGGGHHHhhhhhh.

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I hate everything about 2020. There was nothing but regrets when I tried to look back. Okay, I may not being fair. 2020 was definitely a bitch but I had fun too, sometimes. BUT the point is 2020 is not on my 20 top list of my favorite years (I'm currently 21 and that says a lot).

How do I put it in words? I feel like I have failed everyone and most importantly my self and MOI in 2020.

With all of Rona Madness going on, I know 2020 was a tough one. But it wasn't only though for me, it was a bitch for everyone else too. Then why was I so affected? Why was I that affected? Why couldn't I adapt like everyone else too? Why couldn't I just shrugged it off then got my shit together? What made me so anxious and weak to even function properly? I was so ashamed to even talk about it to my family and friends because I didn't (and still don't) know what actually bothered me and what was going on with me!!??? On top of that, I also felt like I was still privileged enough. I didn't want to be seen as an ungrateful kid who complained about her discomfort.

I found an interesting letter I wrote for my future self on this blog (perhaps my younger self knew that I would be doomed). I said that everything will be alright, I just have to hang in there for a bit longer. But how long is a bit longer, actually? Now I'm hanging here like a mad man hoping tomorrow will be better but nothing seems to change. I'm starting to be scared of tomorrow too.

(footnote: I cried like baby when I read the letter I wrote for MYSELF lol @ u Rosita)

OH and my friends; they have been amazing. I'm so grateful to have them in my life.

Now for 2021, this girl can still have hopes and wishes, right? There you go.

1. To feel okay again

2. To function properly

3. To get rid of those awful thoughts.

4. To feel like myself again

5. To be myself again

6. Hanging out with friend Treat my friends better

7. Learn how to make pottery => why?

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